Fredrick is in Macon preparing for another surgery. This is all good news, though I have a minimal amount of involvement. I am back in San Diego and trying to fight the urge to be consumed by my obsessive worry. I miss that kid like the dickens. My life is suddenly starkly different than the one I have become accustomed to.
In all this, I choose to believe that my blessings will continue. I was given a gift in the opportunity to care for Fredrick and each day away from him my gratitude grows. Some people go their entire lives without a single bit of love in their lives and I feel as though I am swimming in a vat of love covered love with love sprinkles.
So here I go, out in to the wide open wonderful world. Wish me luck in my adventures, I love you all. See you in July... ATL or bust.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
MB is a tattletale.
Despite our not having him as our nurse today he managed to save the day not once, twice, but three times. Mr. Bananas, arguably the best nurse in the world.
My morning was slightly staunched by startling pain as something wicked launched itself into my eye while I was out. I am not the type to over exaggerate an injury but whatever this foreign object residing in my optical vicinity was, that s#@t stung! I had hoped it would subside a bit by the time I walked back to the hospital but I was disappointed to find the pain increasing as I made my return. One of the techs noticed my obvious discomfort and we were on our way down to the nursing station when MB appeared out of nowhere (typical) and upon a look at me offered a lovely needle less syringe of sterile saline, with which I promptly flushed that hellfire out of my eye. That was a close one. MB 1 Minor Crises 0.
Later in the day, I asked MB to join us in my office, AKA the window seat in Fredrick's room. I intended to bounce some Halloween oriented ideas off him, as he is currently my only friend in Atlanta. Above other things, when his Murse shows an interest in something, Fredrick has an uncanny way of following. I was hoping to take advantage and engage Fredrick in a little brainstorming or costume planning. While MB and I were discussing my possible fanciful costume options, Fredrick remained resistant to our baiting and allowed not even a morsel of satisfaction in kinship to Halloween finery. He informed us that he doesn't dress up anymore. Unfortunately he then began to have some extreme pain in his legs. It is fairly normal because he suffers from constant neuropathic aches in his legs and groin. I usually try various unsuccessful techniques to lessen it, such as stretching and massaging. As I went over to move his legs I noticed a fair amount of blood on his sheets and like a girly mcgirlypants I freaked out and stammered "MB!" He immediately jumped into a gown (gowns and gloves are required in Fredrick's room due to his condition/s) and we found Fredrick's PICC line (IV) was leaking blood. Granted I am more cautious about Fredrick's various needs than necessary, it feels good to know I am not alone in it. It was BLOOD leaking out people, I'm not a total nutter... Anywho, with his usual dedication to care, MB fixed it all long before our actual nurse got there. MB 2 Major Crises 0.
I was pulled out of the room to speak with one of Fredrick's occupational therapists about a distantly related behavioral issue and true to character MB stayed with Fredrick, even though I have a sneaking suspicion that he was on his break. When I made my way back to the room I passed MB in the hall and he said softly "He wants to be a creature of his own imagination." Those of you who know me well are aware of the joy this brought me. I don't play around when it comes to Halloween and MB had just made possible for me to involve Fredrick in something near and dear to my heart.
MB 3 Soul Crushing Anti Childlike Fredrickisms 0.
I mentioned to Fredrick a few moments later that I had heard that he might be interested in creating a creature costume of his own design and would he permit me a description so I might draw up quick sketch. His response was "Tattletale! MB is a tattletale to you! But yes." MB was kind enough to sharpen me a pencil for my efforts. Sweet success.
In the past I never have been too sold on the stories I have heard people tell about supposed "earth/guardian angels" who appear in their lives to shower them with goodness or assistance; but I am becoming to warm to the opinion that some people may have angels on their side, and we have MB. Tomato, potato as MB would say (much to Fredrick's hilarious chagrin). I could gush about these two wonderful men that have dropped into my life for hours, but it wouldn't do you all any good; because being a witness to their relationship reminds me of the potential of possibilities in this universe. It is heartwarming, it is unique, but mostly it is the very essence from which I draw strength. There is hope to be had and there is always the simple magnificence of compassion. They are an example of what can be when one treats strangers as they would their own family. I know it's what should be done but seldom does one witness it so thoroughly as I have in these short months.
So yes, our famed Murse has cared for me to degrees that I can never hope to repay him for, he has kept my spirits high with his humor and kindness, but he has done me the greatest service by showing Fredrick what is means to be cared for through thick and thin. I understand that few of us ever experience it genuinely, but all of us hope for it. I think it is called unconditional love, and let me tell you, in realtime, it is beautiful.
My morning was slightly staunched by startling pain as something wicked launched itself into my eye while I was out. I am not the type to over exaggerate an injury but whatever this foreign object residing in my optical vicinity was, that s#@t stung! I had hoped it would subside a bit by the time I walked back to the hospital but I was disappointed to find the pain increasing as I made my return. One of the techs noticed my obvious discomfort and we were on our way down to the nursing station when MB appeared out of nowhere (typical) and upon a look at me offered a lovely needle less syringe of sterile saline, with which I promptly flushed that hellfire out of my eye. That was a close one. MB 1 Minor Crises 0.
Later in the day, I asked MB to join us in my office, AKA the window seat in Fredrick's room. I intended to bounce some Halloween oriented ideas off him, as he is currently my only friend in Atlanta. Above other things, when his Murse shows an interest in something, Fredrick has an uncanny way of following. I was hoping to take advantage and engage Fredrick in a little brainstorming or costume planning. While MB and I were discussing my possible fanciful costume options, Fredrick remained resistant to our baiting and allowed not even a morsel of satisfaction in kinship to Halloween finery. He informed us that he doesn't dress up anymore. Unfortunately he then began to have some extreme pain in his legs. It is fairly normal because he suffers from constant neuropathic aches in his legs and groin. I usually try various unsuccessful techniques to lessen it, such as stretching and massaging. As I went over to move his legs I noticed a fair amount of blood on his sheets and like a girly mcgirlypants I freaked out and stammered "MB!" He immediately jumped into a gown (gowns and gloves are required in Fredrick's room due to his condition/s) and we found Fredrick's PICC line (IV) was leaking blood. Granted I am more cautious about Fredrick's various needs than necessary, it feels good to know I am not alone in it. It was BLOOD leaking out people, I'm not a total nutter... Anywho, with his usual dedication to care, MB fixed it all long before our actual nurse got there. MB 2 Major Crises 0.
I was pulled out of the room to speak with one of Fredrick's occupational therapists about a distantly related behavioral issue and true to character MB stayed with Fredrick, even though I have a sneaking suspicion that he was on his break. When I made my way back to the room I passed MB in the hall and he said softly "He wants to be a creature of his own imagination." Those of you who know me well are aware of the joy this brought me. I don't play around when it comes to Halloween and MB had just made possible for me to involve Fredrick in something near and dear to my heart.
MB 3 Soul Crushing Anti Childlike Fredrickisms 0.
I mentioned to Fredrick a few moments later that I had heard that he might be interested in creating a creature costume of his own design and would he permit me a description so I might draw up quick sketch. His response was "Tattletale! MB is a tattletale to you! But yes." MB was kind enough to sharpen me a pencil for my efforts. Sweet success.
In the past I never have been too sold on the stories I have heard people tell about supposed "earth/guardian angels" who appear in their lives to shower them with goodness or assistance; but I am becoming to warm to the opinion that some people may have angels on their side, and we have MB. Tomato, potato as MB would say (much to Fredrick's hilarious chagrin). I could gush about these two wonderful men that have dropped into my life for hours, but it wouldn't do you all any good; because being a witness to their relationship reminds me of the potential of possibilities in this universe. It is heartwarming, it is unique, but mostly it is the very essence from which I draw strength. There is hope to be had and there is always the simple magnificence of compassion. They are an example of what can be when one treats strangers as they would their own family. I know it's what should be done but seldom does one witness it so thoroughly as I have in these short months.
So yes, our famed Murse has cared for me to degrees that I can never hope to repay him for, he has kept my spirits high with his humor and kindness, but he has done me the greatest service by showing Fredrick what is means to be cared for through thick and thin. I understand that few of us ever experience it genuinely, but all of us hope for it. I think it is called unconditional love, and let me tell you, in realtime, it is beautiful.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Cat litter
I just walked in the door from a three day hiatus and Fredrick opened his eyes and gasped. Although it was initially a bit concerning, there is something to be said about another human being so happy to see you that their breath catches. "You're back!" Fredrick, for some reason has long labored under the delusion that I might pack my belongings and hop the next plane out of here anytime he gets in some extra Z's He once woke up from a nap and started screaming my name at the top of his lungs. I was down the hall and came running, once I reached him he said, "Where were you?" I replied "In the game room!" exasperatedly, to which he answered "Oh I thought my parents kidnapped you." As far as I know this fear is completely foundation-less as I doubt his parents have conspired to do any napping other than the desperately needed kind that involves snoring.
It can't be denied that I enjoyed my uninterrupted sleep while away; it is also true that my thoughts began to drift to meanderings about Fredrick every few moments I was away from him. People say that this is how it goes, you do something on a whim and the experience becomes a weaving of significant moments; but I guess it is also true that they are moments you would never imagine or predict. I had no intention of a slightly autistic paraplegic nineteen year becoming the focal point of my life. Nor had I any plans to meet a male nurse that I now can't begin to imagine living without. I never thought I would learn to live and quite literally work in a hospital. Yet my reality is encompassed by these factors.
I used to often say, " they say life is a bowl of cherries, but sometimes life is a bowl of shit." Well, I realized a few days ago as I was elbow deep in the latter, that I guess I just don't feel that way anymore. Life is short but certainly not dull, and my, can it get complicated. Complications aside, it's remarkable how often the it seems to me that the universe always unveils a plan of some sort. Just when you think you've got nothing left to give a miracle falls on your head. I guess it's safe to say that I consider Fredrick my miracle, and I can only begin to describe how it feels to know that a miracle finds you so essential to it's existence that your presence causes a brief shortness of breath.
It can't be denied that I enjoyed my uninterrupted sleep while away; it is also true that my thoughts began to drift to meanderings about Fredrick every few moments I was away from him. People say that this is how it goes, you do something on a whim and the experience becomes a weaving of significant moments; but I guess it is also true that they are moments you would never imagine or predict. I had no intention of a slightly autistic paraplegic nineteen year becoming the focal point of my life. Nor had I any plans to meet a male nurse that I now can't begin to imagine living without. I never thought I would learn to live and quite literally work in a hospital. Yet my reality is encompassed by these factors.
I used to often say, " they say life is a bowl of cherries, but sometimes life is a bowl of shit." Well, I realized a few days ago as I was elbow deep in the latter, that I guess I just don't feel that way anymore. Life is short but certainly not dull, and my, can it get complicated. Complications aside, it's remarkable how often the it seems to me that the universe always unveils a plan of some sort. Just when you think you've got nothing left to give a miracle falls on your head. I guess it's safe to say that I consider Fredrick my miracle, and I can only begin to describe how it feels to know that a miracle finds you so essential to it's existence that your presence causes a brief shortness of breath.
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